Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
