good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
