i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
And then the night went full on bisexual.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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