wat bout pragnant strippers??
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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