Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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