i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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