overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
