You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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