I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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