now i know why i became what i already was.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Just puked most of my soul out..
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
