I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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