She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Randomize