I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
She's the barista slut.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
