So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
