I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
