i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
