he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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