either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
