YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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