mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
