Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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