I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
