it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
