You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Too much gin, very little bucket
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Randomize
