She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
