How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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