Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize