I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Come share oat with me in your robe
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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