i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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