Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
