He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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