I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
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