Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
