RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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