I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
