watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
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Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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