Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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