Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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