you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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