Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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