I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
