nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
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shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
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He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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