Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
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