i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
