The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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