I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
