a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
