My friends, they love my intelligence
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
