Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
