Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
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