so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
