it's too hot outside to masturbate.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
