You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
