She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
