I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
my shit smells like andre
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
