I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
