I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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