The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
