went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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