Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I'm really into asian looking animals
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.