mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.