You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.