Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals