I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.