I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
