I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
